lauren writes.

Hey, y’all! How you doing? Great, me too!

…Hang on; who am I talking to here? No one? Hmm, that’s what I thought.

I’ve decided to make an effort to actually use this blog. Somehow, I figure that will justify the money I spend each year to host my website. The only problem is that I don’t know how to use my blog. I don’t know what kind of voice and tone I should foster here. I don’t know if I should be Academic Lauren (*snort*) or Cool Hip LaurDog (*guffaw*). AND SO, I’ve decided to strike a happy medium. I am an academic (or, I’m trying to be), but that’s not all I am. I also like writing for myself, which I rarely do anymore. I like writing casually. I also like the idea that, occasionally, something I say may strike a chord with someone on the grand ol’ intarwebz. So, I’ll blog to network, and I’ll also just blog to write. Plan!

So here is what’s been on my mind all day. It’s this commercial, for 901 Tequila, directed by Justin Timberlake. (I’m majorly sorry the video is too wide for this blog theme. I hate that.)

My opinion on this commercial is mixed. It’s old hat, for one; sell a product with sexuality. In the words of my students (every single year), “Sex sells!” Blah blah. Yet it’s undeniable that the most unique, fresh, and perhaps, one could argue, groundbreaking element of this ad is the fact that the woman’s pleasure is at the forefront of the sex-selling message. The vast majority of commercials — especially commercials for alcohol — use women as purveyors of male sexual arousal and pleasure, but in this 901 tequila commercial, it’s the woman who is being pleasured. And, arguably, it’s done in a way that doesn’t rely on patriarchal assumptions of what makes women feel good. Read: the act is all about her; he isn’t involved to the degree that he is receiving the same amount of pleasure. So, basically, we have an ad for tequila that sells its product by highlighting female sexuality, glamour, and power. Rock n roll.

The power given to the woman in the ad is another element that strikes me as positive and fresh. She moves with purpose and intent, and she gets what she wants at the end, without asking or promising she’ll reciprocate. She’s beautiful in a really admirable way, that is not cliché (rhyme!). Plus, she’s quoting Ben Franklin!*

And yet, at the same time… what? How does a comment against stuffy, oppressive British politics relate to tequila and cunnilingus? (I’m using that word to sound hopefully, less crass. If it bothers you… maybe don’t come back to my blog again. heheh.) Call me crazy, but I don’t see the parallels. I feel that the odd pairing is exacerbated by the woman’s delivery of the lines. I had to watch the video three times before I realized what the hell she was saying. Where’s the metaphor? Is she the remote province? What’s the cake?! Is the awkwardness in the ad due to her delivery, or is it the inability to reconcile 18th-century rhetoric with a 21-century tequila ad? Maybe some would argue that doesn’t matter, but how many people who view this will recognize the source of what she’s spouting? I’ma guess not too many. And so, the message is lost on viewers. She starts her speech off with the equivalent to what one would see in a terrible English 101 paper. (“In the first place, you are to consider”? Wut?)

Maybe superslick JT is trying his damnedest to go high brow. I think it’s a little too esoteric.

PLUS… I’m just going to say it: It bugs me that the woman pours the tequila for her man. Why doesn’t she get any? Is the glass an incentive to go down on her? (I don’t really believe that, but it’s a depressing consideration nonetheless and probably shouldn’t be disregarded entirely.) And, to the less informed audience, I bet she sounds irritatingly verbose. Because frankly, she does to me. Wrong choice of text there, JTimbs. Plusplus, the title of the video — Let Them Eat Cake — is so incredibly irrelevant to the content of the ad. Maybe that was just the YouTuber who uploaded the thing, but I wanted to complain about it anyway.

In spite (because?) of all this, I have spent the majority of today trying to “get” this ad, so apparently it’s working. Bollocks. I will say, positively, that in addition to the woman’s lovely badassedness, the guy looks like Matthew Fox. And that, my friends, is nomtown.

* See: Rules by Which a Great Empire May Be Reduced to a Small One. And then reflect on how outrageously awesome Benjamin Franklin was. No wonder everyone assumes he was a US President.

As some of you may not yet know (I have no idea who I am referring to here, because I don’t know who reads this pathetic excuse for a blog, mainly because I never effin’ update), I am going to North Carolina State University in the fall. I got accepted into the Communication, Rhetoric and Digital Media PhD program, and I went to their recruitment visit a few weeks ago. I am so happy I did, too, because I still wasn’t sure what I wanted to do (with regard to my acceptance at Penn State, as well) but going to visit NCSU completely sealed the deal; the faculty and the students are nothing short of amazing. Raleigh is adorable; it’s like the most quaint big city ever. And they have Bojangles’. NOMTOWN EXPRESS.

Anyway, so, the other day I was on the NCSU website to see if I had the ability to claim an email address, and I stumbled upon this:

I find it a) epically awesome that I am already on their website, and b) even more epically awesome that, once I graduate in 5 weeks (FIVE WEEKS!) I will officially be a doctoral student. (Right, isn’t that how it works? I remember the last day of classes my Junior year of high school, when my friends and I left campus and were yelling, “We’re Seniors!!” I don’t know if it’s legitimate, but I guess once you are not what you used to be, you are what you will become. Or something. Or maybe I have no idea what I’m talking about.)

As my mom wrote in a Facebook message to me, “the world will have tiny, curly-haired Dr. Lauren Clark in a few years!”

Normally, when I see an ad whose appearance is obviously purposeful, I smile. It’s funny when ads about online universities and writing books and learning English appear in my work-related emails. I like it when Facebook shows me ads about shoes and jewelry and clothing, because I’m overtly passionate about those things. However, today on Facebook, while writing my long-lost NY buddy Rachael a comment, I noticed an ad that gave me an unsettled feeling. Here ’tis.

I get a lot of Mod Cloth ads on Facebook, and I don’t mind them. Often, they give me a new garment to obsess over for a while, until I get over it because I can’t afford it. This ad is no different. However, I already obsessed over these shoes. And when they went on sale at endless.com, I bought them. Yes, mon chéri, I own those heels, and I purchased them online.

I am sure the case is just that the shoes are killer and therefore they were used in an ad. Maybe they have been successfully advertised as of late and their sales went up drastically and so Mod Cloth is appealing to the statistics of their demographic, myself (clearly) included. However, there is a small part of me that feels incredibly anxious at the thought of this ad being tailored to me, specifically. Is that even possible? Can my online purchasing be tracked and sold to online advertising companies? I mean, I did only buy the heels a couple of months ago. I really think (read: hope) that I’m freaking out over nothing. But nonetheless, I am kinda freaking out.

Surveillance… dun dun duuuuuun.